My children's shadow!

I wish I could be my childrens shadow, and follow their footsteps with them each day? As I am doing the dishes or the laundry; what happiness, what sadness, what dilemmas are they facing at that moment in time? I know I cannot be with them every second of everyday, and I know I cannot baby them forever. How do I let them go but still be with them when I'm not? Are all my parental messages following them like a shadow, and when they need me, I'm already there? I'd like to think that this is what happens. I'd like to think that this shadow is like an armor and the bad influences from the outside world will just bounce off. I'd like to think that this shadow of me follows them throughout their day. When my children are offered drugs or alcohol, will this shadow help them to resist this temptation? When they are bullied by another child, will this shadow help them use their words rather than their fists? And when a bully uses force against my children, can that shadow help them know when to defend themselves? When they are approached by a stranger that means them harm, will this shadow help them to know that they are in danger? I wish for just one day that I could follow each of them as they go through a typical day. Just one day to feel what they feel, do what they do, see what they see. How is it all different from when I was their age? Is it harder to grow up these days, or is it basically the same kind of kid stuff that we had to deal with? Metal detectors, video cameras, and school shootings are a normal scene on any given newscast these days. I don't remember seeing this much school drama and violence in the media when I was in elementary school. How can I shield them from all of this? What will make them choose not to drink or do drugs? How will they get up the courage to stand up for themselves? What will keep them on the right track and help them to become a good hearted person? The values that I instill in my children are their protectors. A shadow of knowledge and morals shielding them from these complicated issues that they have to face out there in this crazy world.

What are my kids doing right now?

While sitting here in a college classroom at 33 years old, I wonder what my children are doing at home and what I am missing out on. What happened to the days where women always stayed home with there children? They didn't have to worry about finding a good paying job. All they had to worry about is getting the kids off to school, getting the household chores done, doing errands, and putting dinner on the table in the evening. It is not that simple anymore. More and more women are taking on the role of mother and father. On top of all the motherly duties of the past, they are also working full-time jobs to provide for their children. The only way to get a good paying job these days is to go to college, a high school diploma is not enough anymore.
I am so lucky to have a supportive partner and family, so I am able to go to school and eventually get a good paying job. Financial aid is also very helpful. It was not long ago that I was a single mother of two children, I see so many single mothers that are stuck on the low income roller coaster. Most have to support themselves and their children on state assistance and what ever low paying job they can get their hands on. Trying to get the fathers to pay child support is a losing battle, they are afraid to get involved with another man, forced to work a low paying job, just to put food on the table and not much else. Most are not close to their families, so they are alone when it comes to help in caring for the children in order for her to pay any attention to herself. Forget about trying to get into college! I actually tried that in 2004, when I was single with two kids, and I never made it to a classroom. I was up at 5:30am, after getting the kids to daycare, I was at work at 7am. My workday ended at 3:30pm, and off to pick up the kids. If I chose to attend those classes, I would have had to get a babysitter from 5pm to 8pm. That is a whole day without seeing my kids, and I would have been paying everyone else to raise my children.
This is now my chance to find out what makes me happy and eventually get paid for it. Hopefully attending school will show my children that where we are now is not where they have to be in the future. Maybe they will learn from my mistakes, and get it right from the beginning. I can see that if I do not stay on this road and take the time to further my education now, I will forever stay in an unhappy way of life and how are my children going to benefit from that.

Mommy Rewards!

After having so much trouble with reading, Ryan's small improvements are so rewarding. Just a small note of improvement from his teacher brought so much joy to both Ryan and myself. He ran from his bus to the door with excitement in his face. He lit up the room as he told me that his teachers had praised him for working so hard at reading. He leaped at me with the biggest hug ever. It made me so happy to share in his happiness with himself and his accomplishment. This small step might give his confidence level a boost also. I am hoping that his struggle will get lighter and his confidence stronger as the weeks go by. With half the year gone by, bringing home straight C's doesn't get a kid into the second grade. The word "retention" passed the lips of the teacher and principal, and I was starting to get worried. And of course I also wondered if I had something to do with his failures. Is it too much television or video games? Am I paying enough attention to his schooling? Is it genetic? Should he be tested? I think this is one of those situations where I have to let him go a little, and let him figure it out on his own. The principal had said that his brain is just a bit immature to grasp the concept of reading right now. She also explained that this is not his fault or mine. Hearing that helped me to stop blaming myself for his struggles with reading. Since that conversation with the principal, he has recieved two notes from his teacher indicating that he has been improving in reading. I hope this is real improvement, and not improvement brought on by my meeting with the principal. We all know that those things happen!! In a sea of 25 children in one classroom, Ryan might actually be getting a bit more of the individual attention that he requires. This also could be a result of that meeting!! As a parent, I want my children to enjoy school and not wake up in the morning dreading the events of the day. Getting help as soon as learning problems appear can prevent a snowball effect in years to come. If they are not understanding the material now, as the years go on their stuggles will become even harder to overcome. My children don't have to get all A's and B's, I just want them to be able to understand what they are being taught.

Let Our Kids Be Kids!!

It seems like ages ago that I was sitting in an elementary school classroom. It has actually been over 25 years ago. Kindergarten was only half a day and all we were required to learn was colors, shapes, listen to stories, and sing songs. It was not stressful, and there was no pressure. Now I have children in elementary school. One of my sons is in first grade and already "required" to read. He is bringing home words like "ignore", "rather", and "sky scraper". You've got to be kidding me!!! Now, because of all the testing they put these children through, he is not right on target with his reading. They practically want them to write a book report by the end of the school year or he will be retained in the first grade. They cram so much into one day, how is any kid able to keep up. They become stressed when they are not able to grasp what is taught right away. They get labeled when all that information is not absorbed fast enough. And don't get me started about HOMEWORK!!! Homework is a daily intrusion of our afternoon family time. It is also a source of stress for me to try and get them to finish it when all they want to do is play. Our kids need a break!!! They will eventually learn the word "sky scraper", do they really need to know that in 1st grade. Nowadays, it is too bad that our kids have to worry about getting shot at school, staying away from drugs, or a teacher trying to take advantage of them. Let's free our children from stress and pressure, get rid of the mandatory testing, and LET OUR KIDS BE KIDS!!!